Daily Prompt really depressed me today by pointing out that I’m dying. We’re all dying. Every single one of us, in one way or another, is dying to know who the next America’s Next Top Kitchen Home Repair Vocal Dance Fashion Driving Weight Loss Millionaire Bachelor Roadshow Crop Dusting Secret Shopper is! As am I, friends, as am I.
But also, they want you to do something for yourself, dearly departed. Give yourself a little treat. In fact:
Write your own eulogy.
Do they know something I don’t? Probably, because they choose who gets Freshly Pressed. Ha ha! I kid. I kid because I c-
Anyway, here goes.
Autoeulogy Of Hotspur
Gather around and cheer
Sorry I couldn’t be here
But it’s as of yet difficult
Because I’m dead
Cheer? Yes cheer
If you’re of the ilk
That believes in an afterlife
Then I’m in a better place now
Right?
And if you’re of the type
That thinks reincarnation is the way
You’ll see me again
So why be upset about it?
If you’re the sort
Who thinks this is it
Then consider
Did I live the way I wanted to live?
Did I love the ones I wanted to love?
And were they happy to know me?
I’d like to think so
In any case my time here was limited
And I did pretty good I think
I lived life in moderation
Even moderation
The thought of leaving you all behind
Is killing me
That was a joke
I hope you liked it
Even in death I’ve still managed to annoy
A few of you again
I have one last favor to ask
Cremate me
Take my ashes
Drink me in your coffee
And put the rest in dozens of lipstick tubes
Send me all over the planet with instructions
Some in bottles
Some in helium balloons
Drop me in a volcano
Toss me in the ocean
Shoot me in space
So a part of me is everywhere
And I can watch the rest of you
Alive in hearts and minds
A toast to all of you!
Edward Hotspur
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How inspired!
I don’t know.
It was an exclamation, not a question. The hint was the exclamation mark.
Subtle.
That’s me. Subtle.
You’re as subtle as… the ‘b’ in subtle.
sub-a-ta-ble. Or something like that. I put the sub in “subtle”.
I put the sub in ‘substandard’
Substance.
Oh that one was about me. LOL
You put the sub in dreaming….
So witty and poetic, even in death. Your talent has no end.
It literally does, considering the subject matter.
As soon I sent that….I knew what was coming…LOL.
I’m predictable as well as boring.
Ah, Mr. Hotspur…those are two words that would never be used to describe you. Call it a hunch.
I’m pretty sure “Mr. Hotspur” will be the top two words used to describe me.
*slaps forehead* I give, you win. Well played, sir.
“Slaps forehead” will be up there too.
LOL
I love this, Edward. How cool would it be to have bits and pieces of yourself all over the world? You’d literally be in dozens of places at once. MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
It would be cool! So I’ll either have to be cremated, or discover how to teleport via quantum entanglement on a subatomic level. One of those. Or maybe if the singularity happens, and I’m plugged into the interwebmatrixnet thingie…
The guys that work in the kitchen at work call me Trinity.
I totally get that!
Whoa…
If Morpheus gave me a red pill and a blue pill, I’d take them both, wash them down with some Rockstar, and wait for shit to get really unreal.
Hahaha! They also tell me I look like a vampire. Sigh. And I’d wash those babies down with some cab and wait!
At times, you look like Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde. But not a vampire. Who do you work with – the cast of Glee?
I totally see it!! The other Nicole agrees. And yes, I do.
The other Nicole is very wise, and has great taste in friends.
You are too kind, Edward.
And another toast to you!
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Love the eulogy poem!
Thank you!
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A lovely poem. It would be great to be spread about after death and be everywhere. Thanks for the pingback!
You’re welcome! Thank you too.
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This is really good. I would hope for a party when Im gone.
Me too. Don’t mourn my death – celebrate my life, and your lives!
Hmmm you want to be creamer……. I wonder what we could market dead cremated Hotspur as? Hot Creamatedspur? no…something like Cream of Edward…or Hotspur by Creamation?
Hotspur Nondairy Creamer…awesomesauce flavored
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